Dual....:-)
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
