are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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