You don't have asthma, your pregnant
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
