i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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