Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
