She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
