i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
