oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
