i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
