New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
