My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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