this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
