It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
