I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
