i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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