i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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