I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
