if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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