that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
