I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he thought i was a dude.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
