if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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