i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Someone came in the potted fern
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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