Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
