I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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