Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
