you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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