I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Hippo gnu deer
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize