We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
