ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
