Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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