he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
