she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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