I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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