What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
