I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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