we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sorry about my life...
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