my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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