Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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