Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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