oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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