If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Randomize