Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
