guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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