im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
