john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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