Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
