i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
