First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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