remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Randomize
