It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
