Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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