So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
