The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
