Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
