from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
