i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
MIDGETS
????
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
