wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
