Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
