Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
