I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
