smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
