i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
