what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
